While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
