What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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