She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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