Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
