what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
