Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
