glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
