Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
