My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
