I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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