We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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