a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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