i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
