I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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