Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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