I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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