my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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