I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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