you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
