I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
