how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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