Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
