Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
