Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
