Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
