If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
