if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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