if you like me you must not know who I am
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
