I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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