I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
