I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
