marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
