know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize