So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
