She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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