Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
