bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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