If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
