my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How's work?
Spinning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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