Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
