Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Vodka?
Forever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
