my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize