I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
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