I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
