I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
