I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
