What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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