You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
