Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
