Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish you could order shots online.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
