The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
