so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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