Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
