is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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