Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
