is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
