it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize