Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
