just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
