forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
