if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
