....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
