I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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