I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
