If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
