He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
