Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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