i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Less talking, more tequila
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
