She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
