Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
