I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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