Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize