I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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