A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
