yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
