This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
