True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
