I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
