I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
