Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
