I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize