never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
