Where did you get a picture of my penis
She announced her abortion via fbk
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
