my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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