i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
