on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
