i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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