Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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