I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
