I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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