Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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