I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I could make wine with my vomit
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
