it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
