I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
