Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
