When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
