I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
