I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
