did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
