Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
