yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
