I bet he comes in French.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
