You made me cry and you don't even care
Do vagina's smell?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's always time for handjobs
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
