boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
