so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
