I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
