Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my being single is dangerous.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
